"For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live again should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again." 2 Corinthians 5:14-15
I would describe the World Race as an 11-month love affair with Jesus, where I have been challenged, stretched and honestly...broken. The best thing I have experienced while I've been away has been allowing God to change my heart and making it look more like His. At the beginning, it was hard because when you begin to see just how full of sin your life is, you want to coil into a ball and not let anyone see what you've become. There is a certain degree of shame that I experienced when God was taking me through this process, and as time went on I only found myself desiring for God to pull everything out of me that was not of Him. So with the desire to change burning in my heart, God stripped me of my flesh and taught me to see the beauty in discipline, pain and suffering. As time went on, I began to realize that God had completely transformed my life through the trials. He had shaped my heart to look more like His and has made me into the woman He always meant for me to be. Because of the change God has made in me, I felt Him calling me to completely dedicate my life to Him through baptism. To me this baptism symbolizes the change God has done in my life over the last 11 months as well as a reminder of what Christ has done for me on the cross. I hope you share the same joy I felt as you watch this video.
This is it, the last month and I am in India. This month has been filled with so much joy and almost all of it has come from children. We really had the opportunity to pray deeply into our ministries this month and were given the choice of planting a church in a village or working at a children's home with kids that have special needs. So as I sat down to pray to God and ask Him where He was leading me, I was very surprised that He called me to work at the children's home. God then let me know that this month would stretch me in ways that would only help me to grow deeper in my relationship with Him...and He has not disappointed me.
"This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love another. No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us." 1 John 4:10-12
I never thought that I could love the children at Sarah's Covenant Home more than I do. At first going there was not easy for me, it was more of a battle. I would wake up and pray that God would give me the strength and patience I needed to give these children the love they truly deserve. Without fail, God answered my prayers each day and as I began to lose myself in love for these kids the battle dissipated and nothing but pure joy remained.
Now as we are in our last full week of ministry I am beginning to realize something that God wanted me to learn...and that is to love everyone well no matter what, after all that is Christ's greatest commandment. As soon as I got over my fleshly desires I was able to let God show me why He wanted me here. I find my heart leaping in excitement every time I see one of these kids smile, laugh, or yell. It is through those things that the Lord speaks to my heart the most telling me that these are the very people He came to save-the lost, the crippled, the disabled, the fatherless...and He commands us to love them. As this journey begins to end I know with full assurance that there is no place I would rather end it than loving these children who are amazing gifts from God.
Romans
8:28-"And we know that in all things God works together for the
good of those who love Him."
I
have been living in East Africa for two and a half months now. I
know that I haven't blogged much; it may have appeared that I
completely fell off the face of the earth but God has been doing
something in my life and I didn't fully understand what it was
until two days ago.
May
2011-Kitale, Kenya
My
stay in Kenya consisted of a lot of spiritual and physical attack. I
had malaria and typhoid during my time there and Satan used my
weakness to his advantage. It was like all joy that I had in the
Lord had been sucked out of my body and a spirit of self pity set in.
I no longer was loving my teammates well or putting them before
myself. I sank into a pit of pessimism and began to listen to the
lies of the enemy rather than the truths of the Lord. Instead of
finding joy in my circumstances I found death.
June
2011-Mukono, Uganda
By
the end of my month in Kenya I re-rooted myself in the truths of the
Lord and was excited about having a fresh start in a new country. To
my surprise I was once again under attack. Not only did I get
malaria once, I got it twice. I was having an all out battle with my
flesh (literally and figuratively). With all that was in me I wanted
to complain about everything that was going wrong in my life and how
I did not understand why God would bring me to Uganda to allow me to
get sick again. Nothing made any sense and the more I tried to
control what God was doing in my life the more He came back to me
telling me to relinquish all control to Him.
Present
Day-Morogoro, Tanzania
After
reflecting on the past two months in East Africa and the events that
had taken place, my heart was longing to know what God was going to
teach me this month. Nothing really made any sense to me until
yesterday at about 5 a.m. I woke up writhing with excruciating pain
coming from my lower back (as most of you know and for those of you
that don't I have a history of kidney stones). I could not believe
that this was happening and in my moment of complete weakness I
turned to God for strength. I went to Jesus in full assurance of
faith that He could and would heal my body. My attitude towards
sickness had changed and I called out to the only One who could help
me. I was talking to God and telling Him that I just wanted His will
to be done in this situation and that whatever it was He was trying
to teach me I was ready to learn. I learned that despite all of the
control I had give to God over the past months of this race there was
still a small degree of control, doubt, fear, and worry that had to
be let go of before God could continue to work in my life and lead me
to where He wants me to go. So in the throes of excruciating pain I
walked outside and began to pour out my heart completely to the Lord.
I repented for my lack of trust in Him and completely laid down all
control, doubt, fear and worry at the foot of the cross. While I was
praying something amazing happened-God began to take my pain away.
With each word that I said the pain receded and I knew that God had
not only broken chains off of me, He was showing me the miraculous
healing power that He has.
All
this to say it took nearly three months of suffering for God to teach
me and completely free me from what was holding me back from Him. I
now know that even through terrible pain and sickness God is still
working in my life for my good because I love Him. Without
doubt, fear and worry hindering me from allowing God to work fully in
my life I cannot wait to see where He leads me next and what He
teaches me.
Do you know what the cost of being a disciple of Jesus Christ is? Did you think about what you were giving up
when you gave up your life to follow His path?
The definition of a disciple is someone who worships, follows, serves
and obeys Jesus, someone that doesn't merely believe in Him but lives a life in
light of that belief. You may be sitting
there thinking to yourself "well that is me" but I am asking you to take a look
at your life and examine yourself to see if you are a true disciple of Jesus
Christ. Being a disciple does not mean
that you accept Jesus into your heart and then continue on living the same way. No, being a disciple of Jesus Christ means DYING to your old life and living your new
life in complete devotion, surrender and reverence of the one who gave His life
for you. Being a disciple means that you
don't give up on Jesus when things get hard and start to hurt or when people
start to persecute you for your faith in Him. Being a disciple of Jesus Christ means that no matter what your
circumstances you are not allowed to QUIT.
For some of you this idea may be a difficult pill to swallow and this
is the reason why. Many people only
preach "accept Jesus into your heart and you will go to heaven." Because of this reason some people do not
understand what a life of true discipleship is. People preach about the decision that is made, the decision being to
accept Jesus as Lord over your life, but what they forget to mention is that what
Jesus is asking for is complete devotion
to Him no matter what this life throws your way. The cost of being a disciple of Jesus Christ
is this-the world and the people in it will hate you, persecute you,
tear you down, spit all over you and you might die. If that doesn't sound
like something you signed up for, then my guess is that you misunderstood the
decision you made.
Luke 14:25-27-"Large crowds
were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his
father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters-yes even his
own life-he cannot be my disciple. And
anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple."
What Jesus is saying here is that to be devoted to Him there must be NO ONE before Him in our lives and that
includes our parents, significant others, children, siblings and even
ourselves. Meaning if we put anyone
above Jesus in our lives we are not truly a disciple of Him. Jesus is calling us to make Him our FIRST position of priority. What Jesus is not saying is that we are to
hate our parents and family, He is saying that all other concerns of this life
take SECOND place to our commitment
to Him. Our relationship with Him is to
be in a completely different category than any other relationship we have on
this earth. With that being said many
people in our lives are not going to understand that. This set us up to receive a lot of pressure
from others to get you to quit your commitment and devotion to Him, which
leaves you with a decision to make. Who
would you choose over Jesus? What have
you chosen over Jesus? If the answer to
either of these questions is someone or something other than Jesus Christ, it
may be time to re-evaluate your priorities and the commitments you've made.
Do you know what death by crucifixion entails? It is the most humiliating death anyone could
ever experience. Carrying the cross was
literally a dead man walking sentence. After being flogged, spat at, and stoned
you carried it to your place of crucifixion, where you were stripped of all
dignity, nailed to a cross until you died...and it could be days, days where you
hung in pain, in feces, urine, blood, and sweat. Just in case you don't know where I am going
with this let me just say it...this is the
type of cross that Jesus is calling you to carry daily. This seems a lot more different than accept
Jesus into your heart and you will get to heaven, doesn't it? Jesus is calling us to take part in the
sufferings that He endured. To be His
disciple is to be like Him.
Jesus is looking for disciples that will give up EVERYTHING to follow Him. He
is not looking for Christian consumers that take only what they want from the
gospel. Consumers are looking for the
path of least resistance and they will preach a false gospel to the world. Producers will stop at nothing to spread the
true gospel of Jesus Christ. They will
give everything they have; even their life if that means a new life comes to
know Christ. Being a disciple of Jesus Christ means being disciplined, Jesus is
looking for His followers to produce fruit for His kingdom no matter what the
cost. Jesus Christ gave His life for
you, so my question is are you a consumer or a producer?
I know that it has been a while since I have blogged and there are some of you out there that have been sitting at the edge of your seat waiting to hear these very words: I AM FULLY FUNDED!
Um, Holy Smokes! Can I get a hallelujah?
As you can probably imagine, this blessing has absolutely rocked my world. Through this incredible miracle God has continued to erase my personal independence and my constant state of worry while boosting my faith to levels I could never dream of on my own. You may have previously read in a few of my past blogs about how the Lord has been stripping me of everything I thought I was so cemented in (myself) and sky rocketing His supreme authority over every inch of my being. He has recently brought some extreme clarity into my life and I want to do my best to hand you my form of explanation.
I want you to grab my hand and walk with me as I tell you the testimony of what God has done in my life in the past 7 days. As some of you may know, back in February I was technically fully funded. It was such a blessing to not have to worry about raising support any longer so that I could put my focus more on what the Lord had for me. Then in the middle of last month I received the news that the money had disappeared from my support account and I was now in need of $4200.00 by the end of March. PANIC! I do not even think that I can convey to you in words how it felt to see that donation no longer in my support account. I felt defeated, angry and confused. I did not understand why God would allow this to happen. After my teammates, whom I love and adore, spoke some much needed truth into me, I began to see that I do not need to know why God does what He does...but to remember that EVERYTHING works together for His good. And as the Lord continued to reveal those things to me and rip away my self-reliance, I realized there is nothing I could do now but have FAITH in the UNSEEN.
It was on the beach in Malaysia just 3 days before the support deadline when I finally expressed to God that if He wanted me to go home I would go only because I want to be in His will for my life, even when it is not what I want for myself. It was also during this time when I knew that there was absolutely nothing that I could do to make that money appear in my account and that worrying about it was not going to get me anywhere. Feeling the peace of the Lord rush over me, 3 days later I found myself telling my testimony to my squad-mate... when God proved His faithfulness to me once again by fully funding me on the day I needed it.
"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me, your love, O Lord, endures forever-do not abandon the works of your hands." Psalm 138:8
God has taught me that the one reason why I worry so much is because I used to think that I could do things better than He could. Translation: worry stems from self-reliance...and where there is self-reliance there is a lack of faith. If my faith is in the Lord and He is unlimited I don't need to have faith in anything else. Satan will throw snares of panic in my path but our Father is in control of every inch of my life. We do not need to worry about anything when we rely on God for everything.
As I continue to recognize the unbelievable blessings He continues to pour into my life, I can't help but wonder how He is moving in the lives of those around me. The Lord so sanctifies those who fall into the arms of His son and I want to dare to ask: how far are you falling? Who do you prefer to have complete faith and reliance in? Would you rather look to Him or yourself for guidance? What reward can you offer yourself that God couldn't knock out of the park?
Why are our lives so burdened with worry? Why do we constantly find ourselves stressed? Why is it when things don't go our way we begin to lose hope?
Our lives are so riddled with apprehension because we all too often forget to fully rely on God to provide for us. Our worry leads to stress because we are typically troubled about something that is out of our control. When the stress starts to stack upon itself, relinquishing our efforts to control various situations, we try to use the power of our flesh win our lives back. Once we see that we have fallen short, we then begin to lose hope. When we reach the point where our hope is fading, Christ seems to be out of the picture. If Jesus starts to fall through the cracks, you may as well say farewell to your faith.
The past few days I have found myself in this very position. I continue to be worried about something I already placed in God's hands at the beginning of this race. I continue to dwell in stress because I am not in control of how it gets taken care of. I realize that God does not want me to gain anything from my own human efforts, yet I still find myself losing hope. My mind is so clouded by worry that I am beginning to lose sight of the beauty of the cross.
God gives and takes away, and makes all things work together for our good. I do not know the reasons why things happen, but what I do need is to TRUST that God has everything worked out. One thing I have realized this month is that nothing is ever coincidental. Sometimes God takes something away from us to teach us to rely fully on Him and ONLY Him. He does that to show us that He is in control and that He knows us better than we could ever begin to know ourselves.
God knows our needs. God designed the desires of our hearts before we took our first breaths. He knew that we would need the blood of Jesus so that we may now live. He gave us the freedom to lay down our own burdens at the foot of the cross, at the most holy sacrifice which was Jesus Christ, so that we would not have to worry and trouble ourselves with the cares of this world. God gave us that gift. Why not receive it?
I have been on this World Race for 6 months now. Because of the powerful prayer and financial support of many, I am able to be the hands and feet of Jesus and bring the Kingdom to the nations. I am currently still in need of $3,976.77 so that I may be fully funded and reach my support goal by March 31st. I am so grateful and humbled by the support that I have already received. I hope that you will prayerfully consider donating more so that I may continue serving with my team for the next 5 months of the race.
One thing that continues to amaze me this month is the children I'm living with. They truly are unlike any other children I have come into contact with. The passion and love they have for Jesus is overwhelming. They actually understand what it means to give their whole life to Christ and depend on Him for everything. They understand what it means to believe in the things unseen. My spirit is getting renewed and filled just by hearing them speak about their faith. It makes my heart full of joy because these children will be coming to the United States and there is no doubt in my mind that God is going to use them for big things in His kingdom.
It may be a difficult transition for them because there are not many children I know that have the type of faith to move mountains. Most children from the United States are watching T.V. and waiting for the latest Wii game to come out not praising and worshipping God with wild abandon. At first it made me nervous for them because people might make fun of them, think they are weird, or overlook them all together because they are different but then God told me to stop thinking that way. No matter what happens to these children when they get to the United States they have a relationship with God that is strong, the type of relationship that God will use to bring many into the fold of His kingdom. These children are kingdom breathers for the Lord. These kids are exactly what children from the States need in their lives, someone their own age to teach them about the truth and love of Jesus Christ.
Future U.S. Citizens :)
"Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith the salvation of you souls." 1 Peter 1:8-9
I may not have a good social status, or have the newest electronic craze, or have nice clothes and a fancy car but what I do have is far better than any of those worldly things. What I have is LOVE that never fails. What I have is STRENGTH when I am weak. What I have is abundant GRACE and MERCY. What I have is PROVISION when I'm needy. What I have is FORGIVENESS by the blood of Christ. What I have is COMFORT in affliction. What I have is FREEDOM from sin. These are the truths I want to rest in. These are the truths I want to set my whole life around. These are the truths I wantevery ear to hear. It is in all of these things that God has blessed me with...I have found everything.
"At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life." Titus 3:3-7
As God continues to strip me of everything that is not of Him, I have found myself having some pretty intense realizations. It is ingrained in us from the time we are born that we always have to have the next step planned out. We have to make sure we are financially secure so we can live a mediocre life that is built around the accumulation of things. Things that will bring us a kind of happiness that will never last because too often there will be a new thing we need to make us happy. This is idolatry. This type of living will never lead to true happiness. What's more, most of us walk around claiming to be Christians, yet we only adhere to the parts of the Bible that we think apply to us while the things that are at the very core of true Christianity, we seem to dismiss because it doesn't sound appealing. We tend to find ourselves dismissing the very happiness we crave. This is the predicament that I have wrestled with for most of my walk...and God has firmly told me to STOP.
The Word of God is an all or nothing deal, meaning it all applies to our lives. We don't have the luxury of picking and choosing what we want to follow and what we don't. God gave us the most amazing gift by sending His son to the cross to die for us and yet we still crap all over His sacrifice by not giving Him what he asks for- which is ALL of us. And for some stupid reason we feel that the blessings that God will bestow upon us when we give it all up is not as good as the things we could "bless" ourselves with that are of this world. The main reason why it is so difficult to give ourselves fully to God and submit is because we have been brought up to think that self-reliance is the only way we will get where we need to go. By clinging to this way of life we are forfeiting the best from Christ in this world and the next.
"Anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matthew 10:38-39
"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10
I have had the painful but beautiful realization that it is time to get my butt in gear. I can choose to go around being a lukewarm Christian who only goes to church on Sundays, never really taking the time to read The Word and only praying to God when I need something, or I can choose to live fully submitted to Him. Living a life where I carry my cross daily, a life where He is my supplier, a life where I have nothing but find everything.
At the beginning of this month I realized that I never truly surrendered everything to God that I was still trying to rely on myself to do mostly everything. I found myself getting so frustrated because I did not know what to do anymore. All I could think about were my worries, fears, anxieties and complaints. I was ignoring the fact that God had been telling me to set Him above all in my life because I thought that my plan or my way of doing things would get the job done better or leave me feeling accomplished and full. God's whisper was soft and sweet "My child, look to me," He kept saying and still I would not look.
"Shall I Commend You?"
"Behold, is it a small thing that you should weary the Lord God Almighty with your complaints? Is it a light thing in My eyes that you walk in weakness when I have made full provision that you might appropriate My strength? Have you not insulted Me in that I have condescended to dwell within you, and you have set Me aside and quenched and grieved My Holy Spirit and walked in your own ways?Shall I commend you? Shall you escape My rebuke and displeasure? You look in vain for My smile. For you think in your heart that you can bring me some gift.
'I will do Him a kindness,' you have said, and you thought I would accept this devotion. Do not deceive yourself. God is not to be toyed with. 'See,' you have crooned, 'I have brought you this basket of fruit.' Cursed be the ground that brought it forth. Have I not required blood? But you have loathed sacrifice. And I have said I will have not of your pretty gifts, for God desires integrity, and to obey is better than all your vain attempts to appease.
Behold, I am angry with you, and not without cause. You have profaned My sanctuary with vain endeavors in the flesh.
You do not come to Me in spirit and in truth; but you have set limits of your own make to check and hinder Me. You say you fear to offend; but I say to you, for the very hardness and willfulness of your own hearts, you will not yield Me control. You keep it in your own hands lest your iniquities are uncovered and your shame appears to all.
Lo, I will have none of it. I will come to you when you have humbled yourself. I will purge your sins when you put away your sham and hypocrisy. I will gather you to My heart when you shall cease loving your own self.
The days are short. Do you want me to come to you with a rod or in love?"
(Come Away My Beloved, by Frances J. Roberts)
God was patient with me until He could no longer be patient, He took action. He woke me up and stripped me to my bones. He told me you have to choose--a life in complete submission to me or a life of relying on your flesh, a life of death.
